Wednesday, January 20, 2010

This morning I woke for my morning prayers. I found myself approaching God with an an agenda, my agenda, and of course, it wasn't going well. I felt like I was trying to force God to answer me without being willing to listen. How would that ever work? So, I laid my thoughts aside and struggled just to be, just to remain in the Healing Presence. Man, I must have some big issues under all the junk on my brain, but apparently I'm not ready to deal.

I'm currently wrestling with the fine line between disappointment, mourning and resentment. I am stumped about what constitutes resentment. Wouldn't it include feelings of revenge or getting in a jab? I just don't have that in me. or at least I believe I don't. Hurting someone else in my own pain doesn't make sense. However, I was born with an unsinkable sense of justice, and I worry I hide resentment under the guise of healthy boundaries taking form in the wide-legged stance of "Don't tread on me."

If you have any thoughts or stories on resentment, I'd like you to share. I'm looking for clarity.

4 comments:

twoculturemom said...

For me, the mark of resentment is the inability to pray for someone. I'm like you, high sense of justice, but rarely hold grudges. I don't think you need to overanalyze too much...but if you find yourself unable to pray for the person who's hurt you then maybe there is resentment smoldering... my 2 cents'

Lisa said...

Disappointment, mourning, and resentment are all phases of the grieving process, and quirky as the human brain is, we wander in and out of each of these feelings seemingly at random in our attempts to make sense of our world. I think you're on the rocky path of healing, my friend!

truevyne said...

I like that. If it happens to be the same for me, then I think I must not be holding resentment. Gotta pray and see...

John said...

Only the proverb that bitterness is a poison that we swallow hoping that it'll kill the other guy.

But I'm hardly one to talk.