Thursday, February 10, 2011

Where's the snow?  The promise of an unplanned break for tired children?
I suppose it blew all around us but not here. I hear Nashville got lucky.

I'm putting on the discipline to write, but not here. Here are my constant thought these days.

I struggle spiritually. everyday.  A friend suggested I'm joining the Saints in the
Dark Night of the Soul.  If that means the closeness I have always felt with God is gone, then it
must be so.  There wasn't a day in my life I didn't know I was God's favorite. until now.  Everyone
else seems to fit the bill. but not me.  I'm mired in the mundane without condolensces.  One day is not
better than another.  It's always the same. day after day.  The care I once felt is no longer present.

My pastor wondered in a lecture at the awe of how God holds every tiny atom together, and how if He let go, matter would simply fly into infinity.  I know he wasn't trying to suggest this, but all I could think was, "Oh, God. Please just let go of mine.  I don't mind to spread across the universe in a million little pieces."

If I have any faith, which is questionable, it is by pure force of will.

3 comments:

Scott Lyons said...

You are golden.

sara said...

Stumbled on your blog. Hang in there girlfriend - I can only catch a glimpse of what you're going through - but God is faithful and He WILL get you through.

IMG said...

I have felt things in my soul that I dared not share with anyone. They are written somewhere, hidden away for none but God to read. Sometimes I pull them out and look at what I have written and wonder.....