Thursday, October 02, 2008

This year has taken the Vyne family in unexplored directions.

I haven't found the right words to blog about a particular ongoing struggle with one of our children, Tater. Buck and I continue to lay down our lives on his behalf, and I have to say I'm disappointed with the results for him but not for Buck and I. Tater experiences life differently, through the jaded lens of early pre-adoption trauma which has crippled him emotionally. As a mother, I know that if his perspective doesn't change, he will be one of those people who has to learn the hard way. And I am painfully aware that the hard way will not be pleasant to watch as a mom.

Pooh Bear remains steady and on a good path. We plod through reading one baby step at a time, and she's coming along slowly as she always has. Her love for dance grows with her Thursday class. She thoroughly enjoys an entire day at school on Tuesdays through a friend's home school enrichment program. Pooh has quickly made friends there as she does wherever she goes. Lately, I'm mulling over future navigation of a daughter through the wily road of becoming her own person among a den of challenging girl peers who exercise exclusion. It's in nearly every circle I've encountered as a woman. May God bless Pooh Bear with the kind of centering friendships I've had to get through those tight places.

Wise One exhibits the signs of growing up while still clinging to boyhood amidst teen-aged brothers. His best friend, Peace, has flown off to high school and a whirl of school activity leaving Wise One to forge new relationships. He has three particular buddies he prefers. Wise One has made leaps and bounds in physical and mental development through occupational and visual therapy this year. Many "gaps" I'd been concerned about in learning are now filled in. Just to give you a glimpse into his sweet soul, Buck found five Bibles under his bed this summer. Wise One remains most interested in his incredible relationship with God.

Peace is loving his first year of public high school after seven years of homeschooling. Though he's learning organizational and study skills he'd never been challenged with before, he's doing well in every class. It is a college prep school, and I couldn't be more pleased with the high academic expectations. I'm busting with pride sometimes when Peace talks about standing up for the underdog or putting the g'nosh on trash talk around him. He works very hard on cross country team as well. It's something to juggle a sport and the everyday challenges of homework for the first time. Peace has finally hit the maturity marker of needing to make tough decisions of setting priorities, and he's making good choices.

Buck is hanging in there with the mighty strength of a man. He's been an amazing husband and father.

The whole "keeping a school schedule after seven years of my own time", has kicked my tail. Six a.m. comes all too early. I actually wake up in the night thinking about the support Peace needs for the coming day, "What's Peace going to need to ask from his teachers when he misses school for his meet Friday?" Homeschooling the other three children and needing a nap at 2:00 in the afternoon isn't quite working out the way I hoped. I've found myself in a hard place spiritually with all the activity of doing and not so much time for just being. How can this constant motion please God? Yet He made me a mother with many needs to continually meet. Any advice?

There it is- the Vyne family update.


Anonymous said...

No advice here. Just sending lots of love and hugs to yins!
Auntie S

truevyne said...

Love back 2 u. Auntie S.

unquenchableworshipper said...

I think in a broader perspective, it seems the swings aren't quite as intense as they used to be, despite 13 year old hormones kicking in. While not overwhelmingly encouraging, its better than completely stagnant or regressing.

Anonymous said...

Welcome to my world...unscheduled, unrushed peace is somthing in short suppply in my household. This year I am working on making my kids more responsible for their own stuff, from actual physical belongings to remembering to write down assignments and keeping track of their own schedules. Even if means I have to step back and let them forget something. Basically I have to make them responsible for their own success or failure. It's hard to keep my mouth shut and let them suffer the consequences of their actions (or lack of) when a simple word or two from me would mean they didn't forget their coat, or lunch, or homework. But by constantly being the nag, the reminder, the rememberer, I realized I was just giving them permission to be careless. They knew they had a back-up in me, so they didn't have to keep up with much. Thus my new approach was born. I didn't leave them out in the cold, I gave them some tools (such as a checklist for each on the inside of the coat closet door of what they need to remember to take with them on different days of the week) but it's up to them to remember to look at the list and double check what they have with them. It's been hard, but I keep reminding myself that I cannot and will not go to college with them and follow them around making sure they remember everything they need! So they might as well learn to do it now.

At A Hen's Pace said...

Any chance Peace could set his alarm and get up and out the door without you? I know that sounds cold...but when my oldest had to get up so terribly early for middle school, and I was pregnant and SOOOOO tired all the time, with all my others to homeschool, I just asked him if he thought he could do it if he had to. He said he thought so, and he DID! And did a great job of taking responsibility for getting ready the night before and not missing his bus more than a few times in those three years.

When we moved here and our two oldest had summer school classes at 7:30 in the morning, my husband told me not to take them, but they could get themselves up and ride their bikes. My daughter freaked out, but she was fine after the first day.

Both of them are gone now before I get up (their bus comes at 6:11 a.m.!) and though I miss seeing them in the mornings, they're enjoying the independence and I sure am more able to deal better with the other four at home, since I'm reasonably well-rested!

Just a thought.

It's interesting to hear about the rest of your family--it sounds like YOU must be doing a good job with them. I rejoice with you over the good and lift up concerns with you just now as well.



truevyne said...

Maybe next year I can let go a little? Does that sound lame? I think he needs help at least one year, since he's new at all this.
I know Peace could get himself out the door without me, but I must drive him. We put him in an out of county school as we live in a rural area with a high school which does not graduate many to college. I know a few kids are naturally gifted and make it to college easily from our zoned school, but my boy needs inspiration. In January, he'll be able to get his temp license- and drive himself the next year, so I've got two years of early mornins' to go.