An Irish Prayer for today

In the words of an old Irish prayer:
Three wishes I ask of the King when I part from my body: May I have nothing to confess, may I have no enemy, may I own nothing! Three things I ask this day of the King, ruler of suns: May I have no dignity or honours that may lead me into torment! May I not work without reward before Christ! May God take my soul when it is most pure!

Hello. My name is True, and I'm a paper addict. I know this, because in cleaning out my drawers and decluttering I have found stacks of card stock, colored, and scrap booking paper in every nook and cranie of my room and closet. Does anyone know of a twelve step program to help kick my unnatural attraction to Office Depot and If it's Paper?

Pooh Bear Bear contracted the swine flu. She's been such a trooper. She's spiked her "normal" 103.5 fever. All my kids turn to toaster ovens with skins when they get sick. Pooh Bear surprisingly has not grumped around and moaned as she does most of time when she's not feeling great. While we were at the doctor yesterday, she asked him to burn a plantar wart from the bottom of her foot. He couldn't believe her request given she was in such a droopy state, but he did it for her anyway. She thanked me twice for letting her get it removed. The nurse commanded me to get her icecream on the way home, so we stopped at the Jiffy for a waffle cone. The young lady who served Pooh Bear had an armful of jagged skin art. Made me wonder if she was sleeping with a tattoo artist, or if that's how she spent her entire convenience store check-out girl paycheck.

My daughter is cut from the same cloth as myself. Last night she discovered how very thin our herd of goats is becoming as we slowly sell them, and she fell into a puddle of tears. She's been told it would happen, but when reality hit, it was too much. I feel the same.

Holding on steadily to hope as I walk towards new things and away from the solitude and beauty I've always found here.

This is a dark time for me, but I can't blog the details. I'll save those for another time. However, I got an encouragement yesterday from a dear friend, Ella. I called her for support, and she came through the way she always does. She told me a timely story about needing to open a gate to a field which has not been bush hogged in a long while. She first sent her son to chop down the overgrowth with a long sharp tool. He began the work but needed to get on the road to college leaving her to finish the job. Ella took that tool and wielded it like nobody's business over the waist high grass. She noticed the vines creeping and intending to swallow up the grass in order to swipe it's potential for life. She began to cry out to God with her grumbles and complaints with terrible force as she hacked down the wild vegetation. God beckoned her quiet her heart and to listen closely. As she stepped on and held the stalks low with her knee to slice, God gave her a picture.

"The way you are bending that grass and holding it is how I'd like for you to pray for the saints. Cover them, throw yourself over them and protect them in prayer from the weeds, the enemies, who intend to devour. The saints need you."

I know that's what she is doing for me, Ella and others. I need it so. Not every moment, but mostly I feel a peace, knowing though things are not all right now, they will be.

I am a woman with great hope.

Sold one of my goatie girls today, Shannon. She has been my very favorite for all six years of my caprine experience. This lovely lady was the first we ever bought. She's given us tons of love and milk through her years at True Vyne Farm.

We sniffed noses to say, "Goodbye." I considered her shiny black coat, her curious eyes, and frosty ears as we parted.

I remember our first cold morning milkings. I played classical music to calm us both- I, the green farm hand; she, a little jumpy due to her new surroundings my lack of expertise. I nuzzled my curly locks against her furry belly in gratitude for the gifts she gave.

I'll miss you my friend, Shannon.

You know what I know? That kindness is the better way. Justice can be kind. I mean it- surprisingly gentle even.

Maybe it's crazy to learn from Oprah, but I have. I learned something so valuable to me that it will follow me the rest of my days and give me peace. Last year Oprah had a guest on her show- The Most Hated Woman in America. This lady changed her daily routine and accidently left her gorgeous little towheaded girl in the summer heat inside a closed vehicle. Of course, the precious baby died. I believe there is no greater injustice than the neglect of a parent which causes the death of a child, a child at the complete mercy of his or her care.

At some point in my life, I too would have hated this woman for doing such a thing. How could someone simply forget their own flesh? However, I was surprised at my reaction, because I didn't go there. I felt overwhelming compassion for her brokenness. As she soberly relayed the events of that horrible day, she captured my heart.

Just about the time I was scratching my head with the question, "Why am I not feeling angry with this woman for killing her child? Why don't I want to wail on her?", Oprah turned to the camera. She started to speak on judgment. She said something which made so much sense- something along the lines of "There is no judgment I or anyone else could give which is more harsh than the one this woman has given herself. No one knows the depths of pain and suffering of the loss of a child like a mother. She knows she has done this thing and must live with it the rest of her life." Who exactly am I to hope she pays dearly? To wish she'd go to jail or hell, or pay some huge debt back to society? She will pay dearly with regret for her entire life. When she's on her death bed, her daughter's name will be the one she'll whisper. I bet the mother already wished she'd have been the one to have died. She's getting perfect justice, and all I can think is, "I'm so sorry for her. I wish it hadn't come to this."

Such is the way of one who falls.

This lesson sustains me in a new pursuit in my own life. You may hear things about me soon, and I hope you can see beyond appearance to the kindness and justice mixed up like a strawberry fruit smoothie in me. I may get judgment, but it's not me I'm speaking of who requires kindness. It all boils down to the fact that justice and anything else for that matter is learned best through love. I'm walking down a path I've never been down and never wanted to go down before now. Pray for me. Pray it isn't all regret but an adventure with hope behind every corner.

My Prayer for Today

Life is messy. My life is messy.
This is my prayer for today.

Let justice and praise become my embrace.