Pink

Much to my chagrin, Ultress has stopped manufacturing the goop which keeps my flaming red hair from mouse grey hues. So, now I am forced to experiment with other hair colors by other makers.

Why color my hair? I started turning grey around the birth of my first child, so it's all his fault and I'll never forgive him for it. With each child it grew more intense. What horrible little color stealing creatures children are. I tried the whole grow-old-gracefully thing. I told myself grey hair is a badge of wisdom and maturity. When I was thirty-three with three small toddler boys swirling about me at all times, I was asked in the grocery store about my beautiful grandchildren. Needless to say, I was not flattered and ran swiftly for some beauty salon therapy. After three trips to the hairdresser and a three pricey swipes of the credit card, I learned to color my hair myself.

That's when I met the laughing lady on the box of Ultress Lightest Auburn. She has been my dear friend for seven years now, and I'm wondering how we went wrong. How could she disappear from the Wal-mart shelves just like that- no warning? It's cruel. I thought we were close. Why didn't Ultress bother write me a personal letter thanking me for my patronage over these years, to wish me well, and recommendations of the same hair color by another maker?

Now I'm looking in the mirror considering the horrible consequences of pouring two bottles (I have lotsa hair) of Herbal Essence Ruby Red hair dye over my head. Upon gazing at my reflection, I think maybe Ruby Red was not quite as accurate as pink. I have PINK hair. And yes, it is that awful.

I suppose it's a funny story to tell at my surprise 40th birthday party Saturday to folks I haven't seen in years, but honestly, they'll all think I'm trying too hard to avert a midlife crisis by going for an alternative look. You know, a goth with Burgundy pink hair? But I'm not. I just made a huge hair faupaux.

Sigh...