Blogger Friend (possibly imaginary): What did you do yesterday, True?
True: I had the amazing and awesome privilege of watching a beautiful baby be born into this world.
Blogger Friend: Are you some kind of nurse?
True: The medical profession doesn't allow people with such pea brains to be responsible for the lives of others.
Blogger Friend: How is it that you attended a birth?
True: Svetlana, my lab partner from seventh grade IPS class invited me though I insisted I had no known skills to offer whatsoever in the area of birthing.
Blogger Friend: How did it go?
True: Though she claims she'll never have another child, she's really good at it. A natural. Honestly, she made it look relatively easy.
Blogger Friend: Tell us about the baby.
True: She is possibly the most beautiful newborn on the planet at this time. Perfect head, nose, toes, fingers. She weighs 7 pounds and 3 ounces. She favors her big sister, Anna. Her real name is incredibly lovely, but for the purposes of the blog, we'll call her Lienna. I haven't had the opportunity to stare deeply into her eyes to get some answers to the secret of life yet, because she's sensitive light just and had to squint after emerging from her dark and peaceful womb home.
Blogger Friend: What precaution did Svetlana take to ensure the hospital staff treated her with dignity?
True: Svetlana cleverly covered her embarrasing thigh tattoo with bandaids, and when the nurse kept asking about what could it could possibly be, Svet, Barysnikov and I shook our heads in silent solidarity.
Blogger Friend: Even in labor did Svet bring you to your knees crying in laughter?
True: Of course. She cracked jokes like a whip in between labor agony. I especially liked how she kept returning to a conversation about ants in her shed as a distraction from suffering.
Blogger Friend: What did Svet want as a celebration dinner after two days of excruciating labor?
True: What else? Spicy HOT beef chinese dinner. Isn't that what every woman wants?
Blogger Friend: How did her husband hold up through it all?
True: Barysnikov is truly a good man through and through, so the answer is obvious. He could not have possibly been a better support or more tender with his wife.
Blogger Friend: True, do you have any final words?
True: Thank you Svet and Bary for the unearned honor sharing this matchless moment with you. And thank you to Lienna for the years of joy to come as I watch you grow.