Saturday, October 13, 2007

Adoption Thoughts Again

I've figured something new this week regarding my adopted son, Tater. Again, it's not rocket science, but it's something as plain as the nose on my face, except that I couldn't see it. Until now.

I blogged a few times recently about the struggles over homeschooling I've had with my oldest son, Peace. My relationship with Peace was strained, ubearable even, from the end of July, when we began school, until three weeks or so ago. Finally, I can breathe again with Peace in a place of peace which remains. I am so grateful. Background noise to all that struggle with Peace came in the form escalated relational problems with Tater. Tater's heart seemed to be shutting down.

This week I thought to myself, "Now that things are great with Peace, I can make a concerted effort to truly focus on what is up with Tater."

Here's the magic. I didn't have to. The tension between Peace and I correlated directly with Tater's dissent into anger. With the resolution between Peace and I, I realized Tater had already opened his heart back up to us naturally.

Not rocket science like I said, but Tater responds negatively to difficult situations which don't directly apply to him. I don't think he has fully developed his own person or identity yet, so he's vulnerable to take on others' problems as his own.

Next time something erupts in my family, I can be sure:
1. Tater will probably escalate in anger.
2. When the eruption is resolved, it won't be nearly as difficult to resolve his anger.

A little hope goes a long way for me. Realizations like these carve a hole just large enough to let a little light inside for me to carry to overcome the next obstacle.

1 comment:

kddub said...

It seems you have great insight with your children