I'm alone in my home this morning for the first time in weeks which gives me opportunity to process my vivid and unsettling dream. Often when a transition is on it's way for me, I dream about going away to college for the first time. Last night I dreamed this familiar dream, but I couldn't find anyone I knew (Momma Kass, my roomate from college, where were you?) and ended up having to sleep on the floor with only a blanket- neither was the case in real life. It cracks me up now thinking the dream over, because in the dream I was wishing for a nap mat in my garage now from the time my children went to Montessori school. As I continued to dream, my mom came to pick me up for Thanksgiving and drove me to Berea where my grandparents formerly resided before their deaths. Mom had rented a little house with only folding chairs and tables, when my grandfather drove up in their old timey automoblie with my grandma beside him in the front seat of the car. In the dream, I knew that he'd brought her from the nursing home. In real life, he had died of black lung from the coal mines long before Grandma Eaddie went to the nursing home. Grandma stumbled confused into the door and immediately released a colorful parrot who flew up immediately up and clung to the vault ceiling. I don't remember Grandma Eaddie ever owning a bird here on earth, but my Mamaw Francis had. As the dream moved forward, I helped Grandma coax her bird back to her hands, and I settled this dear woman into a folding chair. "Weeellll," Grandma chuckled her smoker's throaty laugh. I went to the kitchen to help my mother who was warming up already cooked Thanksgiving food. "I bought this food from the nursing home. I didn't suppose I could cook in a rented house," Mom told me. What? I found this very odd. Everyone began to watch television, and I felt uneasy. This is when I had a long look at Grandpa who wasn't just himself. As he smoked a cigarette, I understood he was a cross between Grandpa and my Uncle June with balding hair and a crooked smile. Odd! I thought to myself, "How do I get everyone to talk instead? We never meet like this, and we're wasting our time together watching goofy tv shows. I don't suppose there are any games in this barren house." So I announced, "It's a beautiful day. Can we eat on the patio?" The crowd moved outside which shook up my barely calmed Grandma. Grandpa/Uncle June and I held Grandma's arms and walked her outside to a folding chair on the patio. Outside we found my mother arranging one large potted flowering bush and a dozen gold foiled pots of pansies along the edge of the patio. I made a note that this was my mom's way of trying to make Grandma feel at home, because Grandma loved flowers.
I woke up from this slumber feeling melancholy and confused. Perhaps the terrible migraine headache I had yesterday stirred up an unconcious part of my brain. I thought maybe writing the dream down would bring clarity, but it doesn't.
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