Today I'm going to split me wide open, so you can look on the inside. I'll take the zipper from my forehead to the end of my big toe and pull down quickly. I've purposely kept my innermost thoughts off my blog for the last few months, because I have been afraid to form my pain into words. Next Monday, a surgeon in Tampa will shave my mother's head, cut a rather large "c" shape into her skull, pry open her cranium, carefully and skillfully cut down into her brain, and clamp a life threatening brain aneurysm. I know the particular details of it because I watched a video of the procedure. Every time I think of this happening to my ma I gasp for breath. She anticipates a full recovery in one month, but we know full well the serious risks. She and I have dialogued through the tough "what if" questions over the months of waiting for the surgery- unpleasant questions like, "What are your wishes should you become debilitated in some way?". We'll have time for more if need be as I'm able to go be with her this weekend before.
Mom was diagnosed at the end of October,and the wait for care has kept us on eggshells. She got second opinions and smartly shopped for a the best surgeon in her region. Read anything on untreated brain aneurysms, you'll get the feeling it's a ticking time bomb. I'm dumbfounded and amazed that the surgeons wouldn't have rushed into surgery the day after the problem was found.
I'm grateful that my mother and I have come through the distance of strained relationship to a place of tenderness. It's the grace of God I can lay down the past and walk in friendship with my mom into this challenging week ahead.
She'll be in ICU for at least 2 days if not more and a few days in hospital following ICU. I visited my aunt (on my dad's side- not great genetic news for me on either side) just after she's had two brain aneurysms repaired, and I remember her just asking me to sit quietly and hold her hand, because her head ached and throbbed so terribly. It's daunting to think of my mother in great discomfort.
By another miraculous act of God, Buck was able to get the week off to take care of our children at home. My mother won't be up for the constant noise and chaos of four children for a bit. Either way, the children have achievement tests and classes which they must stay in town to attend.
If you are so moved, please keep us in your prayers. If you are a local friend, give Buck a call and see how he's doing while I'm gone. His schedule and tasks are numerous. Thanks and God bless for Helen for keeping Pooh Bear for a few days.